Invincible me

I am here just sitting alone with no one to talk to. It is not new, its something i am already used to. Seems like no one wants to talk to me. I do not have many friends because people see me as weird and when i do eventually talk, i am seen as being too foward and stubborn. I am confused because i have tried over times without number to blend in, but honestly right now

” I do not give a f@$# rat’s arse!”

I am dead serious. I don’t give the f@$# word anymore of what people think about me. Through out my teenage years, I fought hard on myself, on how to become someone different. First it was my looks, next my hair then my weight and my behaviour.

“Sheesh! I am tired of trying.” ” Is it because i am going to be a middle child?”

Being a mińŹdle child, is frustrating most times, i have always been invincible, never seen, nor heard off. Seriously why do people have more than two kids. Anyway, that aside. I am very sad because Adams has not called back. “Why am i even writing this?” “I do not even know, i just want to write something i guess.” “Oh! I remember.”

I have tried reaching him on the phone. We had a heated argument four days ago and for reasons best known to him, he has not called back. I have even sent a text of apology.

“Hmmm, if it were years back, he would not even dare.”” Age and time has taught me over the years to be tolerant and patience.” ” You can just imagine what the argument was about.” “It was all about my weight, but according to him, i have what it takes but don’t look the part.”

” Are you kidding me?”

I have tried everything, diet, gym, keto even fasting. I even nearly passed out in the bus one day, thanks to that.

” Idiot! Like i created myself. At home, i do not exist, in the real world, i do not meet the standards.

I laid my head on the coffee table all alone. The house was empty. My siblings are not around. The whole family is in the village. I did not want to go because i preferred to stay behind and clear my head. Grandpa and ma are late and there is no one to talk to. They both passed away when i was sixteen. The time i needed them most. I miss them alot. I spent alot of my holidays with them because Dad is in one meeting overseas or the other and Mum is attending one creme de la creme party to keep up with appearances in the society. They were too busy to see to our upbringing. My siblings and i spent our formative years in the boarding school. Now Big Brother is in Port Harcourt and Lil’ Sis in Lagos. We only communicate on phone which is once in a blue moon. We have never been that close. Family matters ,horrible. Love life, wacked.

Adams os the only the one who keeps me alive. Loving him was the best thing that has ever happened to me. I have been suicidal twice, meeting him changed everything. He loves me, i know it because i feel it and so he always tell me.

” Is that the reason why i am stuck to him like glue because i am afraid of being alone?”

“I will give him some time.” I cannot be depressed again because i do not think i can take it.”

Many obstacles in life has made me lose faith with everything even the creator sometimes. I want to continue living and for that i will try to be patient.

“Adams, please do not leave me.” I cried to myself.

I was startled by my ringtone.

“Adams!”

” Hi Laila.”

“You finally called.”

” Sorry, it took so long, needed to clear my head.”

” Me too. Adams…… i think we should……”

” Laila, i need to tell you something…..”

My heart skipped, i did not like the tone. It was firm. We were both quiet.

” I am listening.”

” Laila, I.. think ….”

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Nigerian Novels

My new found craze of reading stories that reflect our lifestyle in Nigeria, is something i cannot stop. I have become a bookaholic for such stories. My favourites are Season of Crimsom Blossoms by Abubakar Adams Ibrahim (NLNG Winner for Literature) , Born on a tuesday by Elnathan John a finalist for the same price, The secret lives of Baba Segi’s wives by Lola Shoneyin and the best for me is Easy Motion Tourist by Leye Adenle. I never get tired of reading them over and over.